Friday, June 30, 2006

Friday - Cleaning Day

Today is cleaning day. Our boss was gracious enough (if you could only hear the sarcasm in the word gracious) to allow us to wear jeans to work today so that we might clean out our offices and storage room. However, the current state that many of our office areas and storage room is in mandates more than one day of cleaning to even remotely make a dent.

Who likes to clean? I don’t. I don’t even like to clean my home but I do it because if I didn’t, no one else is going to. However, I don’t remember it being in my job description that I would have to clean the office or storage areas. Maybe I am just being picky or maybe it is because it is the last day before a four day weekend? Whichever it is, cleaning sucks! J

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Love Style....

I love quizzes! I stole this from Random who stole it from James!

Your Love Style is Agape
You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner.Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare.You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie.Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you.For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Your Love Life Secrets....

Your Love Life Secrets Are
Looking back on your life, you will have many true loves.
You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't?
You prefer a quirky, unique person to be your lover. You're easy going about who you're with, as long as they love you back.
In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm.
Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Are we related?

So as I sat in my apartment last night flipping channels because there was absolutely nothing on tv, I settled upon watching the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency show. Yes, I know. This show is the cheesiest of all reality shows!

As I sat to watch a bunch of male models be paraded around in their underwear (ok, so I couldn’t complain much about that!) I was unprepared for what I was to see. This gorgeous man was on the screen and as they popped up his name and home town I was shocked! His last name was the same as mine! (FYI: Not many people spell the last name I have the way that my family does) Not only was his last name the same but he was from the same town that my father and his family lived.

Of course I had to call my mother to let her know. She flipped the channel and was able to see him but didn’t recognize him. Dad didn’t recognize him either but he said he was probably a cousin somewhere along the line but he didn’t know who he was related to. So I called my sister. Put my sister on a mission and she will discover anything!

Needless to say, my sister found this model’s MySpace page and she sent him a message. Basically she asked who he was related to and that our last names were the same and our family came from the same place he did. Now, either he is going to think that this is some pick up line or that she is crazy! I will update this post as soon as I find out if he responds to her!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

The Boss

One of my biggest pet peeves is being treated like a child. Actually, like a stupid child. Have you ever had a boss who is constantly spending more time explaining on how to do something as simple as picking up a phone and dialing the number to relay a message to someone. Or a boss who wastes your time by writing an email, then forwarding it to you to send to other people, who you know he has their email addresses.

Another favorite of mine is when he walks into your office to answer an email that you wrote him (that is if he even reads the email). Or calls you on the phone to answer your email and interrupts what you are doing. The important thing is that he interrupts whatever it is that you are currently working on for some mundane answer that could have been simply relayed by just clicking the reply button on the email.

Or when he is opening his mail and after each piece of mail he brings it to the appropriate person that it belongs to and then goes back to his desk and opens the next piece and then once again brings it to who it belongs to. I don’t think he understands the word efficiency. It would be so much better to just open all the mail, divide into the appropriate piles and then deliver to the person all at once. But no! He must come into each office about 100 times a day to see what you are or are not doing!

I’m amazed that each day I can go into work and put a smile on my face and not wring his little neck!

Saturday, June 24, 2006

I'm so confused!

Do you ever have that feeling that no matter what is happening, you just aren't satisfied? My life, at this point, feels like it is at a crossroads, I need to make a decision as to where I am going. I feel like I am on a stationary bike, pedaling away, but am getting nowhere fast. I can't quite figure out what needs to be done in order to move forward. I have two choices, I can either continue on with the way things currently are or I can make a change and see where that leads me. The one thing is that I don't like change. And I have so much time invested in a particular project that I don't want to give that up. I thought that maybe by writing out my thoughts that it would spark something, but it hasn't. It's just made me more confused! Well, one thing has come to me, I've realized that I have allowed part of my life to be in control by someone else. And as much as that bothers me, I so want that person to control my life! Or at least influence it.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006


Have you ever had a dream that felt so real that the feelings associated with it stayed with you all day? I have dreams like that and usually when I do, they do come true. I'm not saying that I am psychic or anything but I've been able to "predict" a few things along the way in my life. It's never been anything bad, thank goodness. Just some really nice events in life.

I dream a lot when I sleep. Which is why I am always so sleepy even after a full night's sleep. A lot of moments in my life have had that deja vu feeling.

I had this dream last night that I met the man of my dreams. We ran into each other at some place, literally ran into each other because I am so clumsy! It was love at first sight. I hope that this dream does come true for me. It seemed so natural and right. I woke up with this cozy, warm, loved feeling. And this feeling has stayed with me through the day today. I also have this feeling of expectation. Like something is going to happen! I hope it is me running into the man of my dreams.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

The Calm...

before the storm? Tomorrow starts my summer meeting. It’s my first. Ok, not my first convention, but my first summertime one. I hope that all goes well. We have completed all packets, badges, signs, etc. It’s almost too easy.

For the day before a convention I am amazingly calm. I’ve had a wonderful, ok, maybe not wonderful, but I’ve had a good day. I started with a 20 minute phone conversation with HIM. That was enough to put a smile on my face for the rest of the day. Even the short 15 minute meeting with my boss today about bonuses and how much did I think deserve didn’t phase me. I’m not panicking and don’t really feel the need to do so. I feel confident that all has been completed and that it will all be right. And if not, I just don’t care!

My biggest concern is leaving my dog behind. He is staying with Bean and while I know he will be well looked after, I will miss him. He is my constant companion during my down time. I just hope he behaves and doesn’t embarrass me as he is EXTREMELY spoiled. Yes, I acknowledge the fact that I am responsible for his behavior, but if you could see him, he is just so darn cute. You just can’t say no to his face! I will have to remember to post his picture up here.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Oh be still my pounding heart!

So I woke up this morning realizing it was Sunday. Had lots of plans, but yet none seem to actually materialize. This morning was the fifth morning in a row that I had had to wake up on my own. Needless to say, I had a wonderful pity party this morning. Silly, doubting thoughts began to run through my head. Had he forgotten me? Was he really that busy? Had he met some Yankee girl?

Then around lunch time as I was in my room putting clothes in the washer I hear my phone ring. It's his ringtone. Needless to say I go running and dive for the phone. While doing this I stub my big toe and it is throbbing as I breathlessly answer the phone. He had called to check in. He was about to join his co-workers on some trails or something. It made me happy to just hear his voice and to hear him say that he missed me too. My heart began to pound and the butterflies were fluttering in my stomach. I do believe that I am a romantic sap! It was such a brief conversation, and yet it put a smile on my face that continues!

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Can men and women be friends?

I have to ask, can men and women be friends without there being any suspicions of feelings of "LOVE"? I believe that they can. My best friend is male and no, we have NEVER slept together nor have we ever been in love with each other. We love each other very much as friends and have a great respect for each other. However, I have this other male friend who believes that my show of affection means that I am falling for him.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a very loyal, trusting, affectionate friend. I believe that if I treat someone well, they will in return treat me well. Ok, yes I am quite aware that there are some that will take advantage of this, but I've learned over the years how to spot those "users".

I believe that this male friend of mine is assuming that my affectionate nature and complete trust towards him is more than just feelings of friendship. I don't want to protest this much because then I feel as though I appear as if I am hiding something. But I am not hiding anything. While I do love him, it as just a friend. My heart belongs to another man. Whereas I may not have yet met this man, I know that there is someone else out there to give my heart to.

So I ask men out there: "Can men and women be friends without a man assuming that the woman is falling in love with him?"

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Ring Phone Ring!

Ok, I have always been one to advise, don't sit by the phone and wait for it to ring! Yep, I'm guilty! Sitting here waiting for the phone to ring. Ok, maybe not ring. I'm waiting for it to play the Bangles song Eternal Flame. Ok, a little dorky but what can I say? It's one of my favorites so I put it as the ringtone for one of my favorite people.

So it's been two days since he's called. I'm really starting to miss my daily wake up call. Even though he'd call before 6 a.m., it always put a smile on my face to hear him say "Get your ass out of bed, crackhead!"

He may not be calling for one or both of the following reasons. He's either really busy (plus he's not really a phone person) or he is avoiding me. He knows how stressed I get due to convention and well it's convention time again and I'm sure he doesn't want me to go off on him. Although I want him to know (and unfortunately he won't read this for weeks as he is not by a computer) that everything is good. I am stressed but am handling it much much better this time around. At least in my humble opinion.

One of the dangers of being single. You get bored and so you play around on the internet. I need to get a hobby! Oh wait, I have one, just bored with it!


I just got off of the phone with a friend of mine. He had read my blog today and was hurt that he is not mentioned in any of my entries, with the exception of one and it was me complaining about what he had said about me! So I am dedicating this whole entry to just him.

What can I say about him? He's a chief in the navy. He's a great guy, nice, kind, sweet, generous, honest, and hilarious. He's a great dad. I'm very lucky to have him as a friend. (Yes, I am very aware that he is reading this!) I can tell him anything and he doesn't judge me for any of the crazy things that I say and do! He also puts up with my crap most days! What's not to love? LOL! Ok, so he does have some faults. He forgets to call when he says he is going to call. He likes car racing. He forgets where he puts things. But those quirks just make him who he is.

I will miss him much when he goes away on the ship, but Bean and I have some great ideas for care packages. I hope he gives us the chance to execute these ideas so he can enjoy what we have planned. Just because there are thousands of miles between us, we can still remain friends and have fun! And even better is that Bean has started to get to know him and she can see how funny he is and why he makes me laugh! I hope that ALL my friends can know that.


How paranoid are you? Are you constantly looking over your shoulder? Are you constantly thinking that someone is watching and listening to you? Do you think that when someone speaks in general terms that they are speaking of you? GET OVER IT! LOL! Spend less time worrying about what others think or say and you might enjoy life a little bit more!

Work Sucks!

Ok, who hasn’t thought that? It’s not that my job is particularly difficult but at the moment it is just the details that are stressing me out! I have a convention next week and while this is my second one, there is still a lot that I am not aware of and I am having to learn as I go. It’s like the boss has washed his hands of this convention and I am having to make all the decisions, which isn’t what I am suppose to do. However, I have had to make choices and make arrangements and he has yet to give his final approval. Today I will meet with him to get his signature on all the hotel orders. That ought to be fun! He hasn’t been in the office for 3 days and now at the last minute I have to update him on everything and get approval of it all!

A friend of mine accused me of working too much. Said it was making me dull. I don’t think I work too much. I work my 8 hours for the day and go home. Someone has to pay my bills! Maybe he said it because when he wants to play, he just doesn’t go to work, but then he has no one to play with. Whereas, I work Monday through Friday regardless of what I want to do.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

My Guardian Angel

Have you ever felt like there was someone who was watching over you? I have. And I'm lucky enough to know who it is and had the privilege of knowing her for her short time here. My little Pepe was such a source of joy. You can just tell by her beautiful smile! Unfortunately, her time here was so extremely short. I don't want to be sad, I just don't want to forget. When things get tough or I feel like I need a little guidance, I talk to her. For such a little girl, she listens really well! And doesn't judge! I know I am crazy! But we all have our quirks!


Have you ever thought about what makes you smile? The simplest things in life can make you feel good enough to crack the mask on your face and smile. I used to smile a lot. I was always being complimented that when I smiled my whole face lit up. I haven’t smiled much the last 3 years. There have been some experiences in life that were just so hard to comprehend that it seemed to have sucked the happiness out of me and I lost my ability to smile.

However, there does seem to be a light at the end of the dark tunnel that I’ve been living in. I’ve recently made some wonderful new friends (not that my old friends weren’t wonderful, just that we are all so spread out now) and I have something to smile about now. I’ve discovered the joy, once again, of opening the heart and letting others in. It’s crazy. I’ve lived for so long with this wall built up around me and in a matter of months (less than 6) that wall has come crumbling down and leaving me vulnerable and yet, it isn’t so bad! I have a long way to go but I’ve come so far at this point that I don’t see myself turning around. Maybe it is true about getting wiser as you age (no cracks about my age, please!).

I find myself these days just smiling at the thought of what is coming up for the weekend. I smile when my phone rings at 5:50 a.m. every morning because I know who it is going to be (and for those who know me well, know that I cherish every minute of my sleep!). Where things once aggravated me to death, I now just laugh it off (for the most part). It’s a whole new chapter for me and I hope that whoever is writing it for me, keeps up this happy time!

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Can't Quite Put My Finger On It...

I've had a good weekend. Not very eventful but a good one. I've put some time and effort into cleaning part of my little apartment (if you know me, you know that my apartment is always messy, lack of storage space!). I spent some good quality time with my dog. Took him to the dog park and amazingly enough he was quite good. No barking, growling or snapping at the other dogs! I was impressed with his behavior. Ran all my errands. Trying to go to the pool today so I can get some color on this white skin of mine that glows!

Yet, with as busy as I am and quite content at being alone, I feel as though there is something missing. I feel as though there is this void in my life. And I am not quite sure how to fill it up. And yet this void is filled for a few minutes with a phone call. Just a simple phone call. Could it be that the person who called is the missing piece? Ok, obviously I have way too much time on my hands and I need to get some intellectual stimulation going on!

Friday, June 02, 2006

It's Friday!

Doesn't that just sum it all up? It is Friday! The portal to freedom for at least two days! No work, no short boss, no phone calls, no yelling, no stress! At least not until Monday at 7:30 a.m. (or whatever time you start work).

I have a very uneventful weekend ahead of me. Absolutely no plans whatsoever. Which is ok with me. I need some quiet downtime. However, I would like to have a visit sometime this weekend to keep me from being lonely. My dog is great company, but he doesn't know how to talk back! Ok, so if I had some money in the bank, maybe the weekend wouldn't be so uneventful, but however, I am broke till Monday! That's truly the reason for no plans! I hope it doesn't rain so that I can at least maybe enjoy the pool this weekend!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Just within reach...

Have you ever wanted something so badly but yet it was just out of your grasp? Not because you haven't asked for it. Not because you haven't been patient. But because someone is holding it from you. Teasing you by waving it in your face. Hinting at what you could have but yet not letting you have it. It's been like that for me for weeks now. There is something that I want so badly but yet I can't seem to reach it. No matter how hard I try. No matter how hard I reach. No matter how much I ask. I just can't obtain this simple thing.

I have no patience. Anyone who knows me, knows that I have no patience. I have been more than patient for the last 3 months. And I am being asked for more patience. It's frustrating. Am I just being played or will being patient offer up a huge payoff? I wish that I knew. I wish that I could see into the future. Hmmm, if it was that easy, everyone would be happy!