Sunday, July 29, 2007

Nine 1/2 Weeks

Have you ever seen the movie Nine 1/2 Weeks? It stars Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke. It's about an art dealer who dates a commodities broker. Ok, it's mostly about sex. It is the strangest movie that I have seen in a very long time. The things that these two did together!

It seems he got a kick out of being controlling and she gets a kick out of being submissive. He would blind fold her at times and feed her different types of food, including jalapenos! Or he would blind fold her and have a hooker come in and feel up Kimm Basinger's character while he watches. Just sick!

I know most people have heard of it. Give it a try. You never know, it might spark the imagination or at least show you what a relationship should not be!

Monday, July 16, 2007


I admit it. I am selfish. I always have been and always will be. I am not denying this. So what I am about to do is probably about the hardest thing I will ever do in my life.

I've been waiting to get confirmation from a friend if he would be in town during Labor Day weekend. Well, I finally got that confirmation but I won't be visiting. I won't be visiting because his ex-wife is coming to visit. She wants to get back together. His dilemma is that he wants more access to his kids but doesn't know how he can do this without being with the ex-wife. (He lives in another state because of the military).

I can understand his dilemma. He adores his kids. They are his world and I know it tears him up that he can't be with them. So here's his chance to be with them. And he is willing to suck it up and be with his ex-wife. But he says there is drama involved. I figured it was because he just doesn't want to be with his ex-wife. But no. It involves me. He's told his ex-wife about me, EVERYTHING about me. I have no clue why he did that. I personally didn't think I even ranked significant to him. So naturally of course, she hates me. I can't really blame her. Would you? But anyway, his problem is that he wants me too. He wants my friendship. All of it. He cares about me. Yep, he cares about me.

I finally get a declaration of feeling and instead of feeling all warm and fuzzy, I feel like absolute crap. Bawling my eyes out. Anxiety attack. You name it, I'm thinking it, doing it or experiencing it. So he is trying to figure out how he can have it all.

I don't think that is right. I know he doesn't want to hurt me, but I don't want him to hurt his kids. I think that if you are going to have two parents in a house, they should love each other and be happy with each other. No underlying tension. Kids pick up on those things pretty quickly.

So, I am having to figure out how I am going to keep my head high and a smile on my face so that no one knows that my heart is shattered into a million pieces. Because I know that the right thing to do is to never talk to him again. But I don't know if I can do the right thing. I just don't know if I am strong enough to do it.

The one person I want to talk to is him but I don't want him to be any more upset than he his right now. The 2nd person I probably would have talked to is no longer in my life. So I am looking for some divine intervention. A little bit of guidance. How do you let someone go when all you want to do is hold on tight?

And seriously, how many tears can one person hold?

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Beau Rivage

I'm going to talk about my trip to Beau Rivage in two segments, work and fun.

Work: This past Thursday, the annual summer meeting was held at Beau Rivage. A very nice casino hotel. We were there for 3 days. The first day, Thursday was kind of hectic. There were problems with our room reservations and then our hotel keys wouldn't work. The parking garage was a good mile away from the convention center and we had to make many trips between the two to unpack all of our materials. Thursday was very stressful! Thankfully though that was the only real problems we had. Everything else went very smoothly. We even picked up on our number of registrants so that we were on the same level as last year.

Fun: Even though we were working a meeting, there was plenty of down time for us to have some fun. I was hoping to catch up with a friend that was in Mississippi visiting family during his leave from the Navy. But when I didn't hear from him on Thursday, I just assumed that he was not able to fit me into the plans. My co-worker and I went to dinner with our boss on the first night. It was actually quite pleasant. We had a few drinks, a good dinner, somewhat good conversation and then, here's the funny part, Elizabeth and I went to a pool party called "Club Tiki" and our boss went with us. The funniest part was when we arrived, the dancers were coming out: women in black bikinis dancing on stages and in cages! Needless to say our boss didn't really stay very long!

Our rooms were very nice:

I had a nice gift basket in my room that had merlot wine, cheeses, crackers and summer sausage in it!

I had a room with a king size bed!

A nice view of the gulf and the new Hard Rock Casino!

What isn't pictured is a huge flat screen television and a soaker tub in the bathroom! Needless to say it is definitely the nicest hotel we have stayed at yet!

Friday was a dream come true! So much happened that day it felt like it lasted forever. But in a very good way!

I was already bumming that I had to get up at 5 am on Friday to be at the registration desk for 6 am. Around 10 am as we were sitting at the desk dying from boredom my cell phone rang. It was an unknown number. Who could it be? It was my dear friend Ronnie! He was calling to say he was already on his way to the hotel and would meet me at 12 at my hotel room! I was so excited. We haven't seen each other since last August when he moved to Virginia! So for the next two hours I was clock watching!

Went to my room and I made it there before him so I was able to quickly change my clothes, brush the teeth and freshen the perfume! Then I heard the soft knock on my door! I opened the door and there he was! He hadn't changed a bit! We gave each other several big hugs and then proceeded to start talking. I think we talked for a good 30 minutes before he showed me the bag with my presents in it!

These pictures definitely don't do the gifts any justice:

He brought me this hand painted ceramic sun flower. I was so afraid I was going to break it just bringing it to my car! It is so delicate and absolutely beautiful. I have no clue how he knew that sun flowers were one of my favorite flowers!

This next gift was definitely a surprise! He remembered that I was Catholic and when him and some guys were out sight seeing, they stopped at a little village that had a Catholic Cathedral that was open to tourists. He bought me this rosary bracelet and had it blessed by a priest! Not only was it sweet that he remembered that I was Catholic but the weird thing is that it matches my full size rosary which I know that I have never shown him or told him about!

Another present that I didn't take a picture of is a St. Michael medallion key chain. It has a picture of St. Michael on one side and the other side has U.S. Navy St. Michael Please Pray for Us. I immediately put my keys on it!

We had a really good talk and lunch. Had some really nice distraction. And he even met Elizabeth! It was such a nice visit. He then surprised me by asking if I still wanted to visit him in Virginia and when I said yes he said to start planning it and we would get together about the plane ticket. I'm very excited. I was so nervous that things would be awkward between us because we hadn't been in the same place together in almost a year but it wasn't. It was extremely relaxing, comfortable and fun! We did some other things too but I won't mention it here! ;)

After I saw him off I went down to the pool for a little bit for some sun. They have a really nice pool! I went to dinner with Elizabeth and her husband. We went to Mary Mahoney! Excellent food. I highly suggest it if you are ever in Biloxi! We then went to the casino and played the slots. I bet a few dollars and won $130.00! It was a great way to top off a great day!

Overall, it was a really good weekend. The best part of course being the time I spent with Ron. We have such a strong friendship. I can say or do anything and he never judges me! And he can do the same. There is never any misunderstandings! I like that! And need that!