Sunday, January 03, 2010

Rough Start

2010 blew in like a hurricane for me.  Full of destruction! 

January 1
The year started off with LSU picking right up where it left off in 2009.  LOSING!!!  That was one of the worse games I've seen.  The team just can't seem to get their acts together.  I hope they regroup before Fall and come back as the winning team they can be with the talent they have.  Thank goodness baseball is getting ready to start!!!

Had a visit.  From My Sailor.  Yep.  Been a long time since I've talked about him.  No, we aren't together. We are friends (?).  I don't know.  I don't think there is a word to classify our relationship. I'm full of confusion, hurt, and anxiety about it all. Seeing him was great. Comfortable.  No awkwardness. But then he left. And I have to remember that.  He is always going to leave.  And it isn't me that he is coming home to. It's always sad when you find that one person that you love with all your heart but you can't be with him/her. That is my struggle everyday. It isn't fun, but it hasn't killed me yet.  I'm still hopeful, most times, that I'll end up with the happy ending.

January 2
This day was a complete waste.  I was still reeling from My Sailor leaving.  The day was spent moping, crying, thinking, reflecting. I did apply for a few new jobs as that is one of my goals.  I also completed one of the numerous books I have sitting by my bed.  But other than those 2 things, I mean, the day was a complete waste. Complete breakdown of all senses. I cried for so long and so hard, I didn't think I had any more moisture left in my body.  I didn't eat, the thought of eating made me nauseus. I hadn't slept the night before so that added even more to the confusion I was feeling. I'm not writing this to have anyone feel sorry for me.  I think that everyone needs to just break down occasionally to get out all the emotions.

January 3
Still struggling today.  I did get some sleep last night with the help of medication. I had to otherwise my thoughts would have kept me up.  I don't know what the future will bring, but isn't that the fun of life?  Not knowing what is around the next corner? I'm going to try my best to not dwell on the "what could have been." I need to focus on what I have now. I did what I had to do with the My Sailor situation.  He knows where I stand and how I feel. The ball is in his court but also in mine!!!  I can let this beat me down and make me miserable or I can pick myself up and keep moving.  There's always hope.

So I am up once again at the crack of dawn.  Need to head to Walmart to get lunch items for the week. Not exactly the best place to head when one is feeling blue.  Just going to that place can make anyone blue! 

Convention Time
Busy week ahead.  It is convention time! I was looking at the calendar yesterday and noticed that I only have 3 weeks till convention.  yikes!!!  I have gotten nothing done on it.  Plus we are down one employee starting Monday.  That means 2 more associations I have to deal with.  Oh, I am going to be a raving lunatic by Wednesday!!!  I see lots of overtime in my future unless I buckle down and get it all done in my 40 hours.  Which is quite possible because I don't like working over my 40 unless I absolutely have to.  I work so I can live.  I don't live to work!!!

Ok, off I go to Wally world!!!  I hope to also get some stitching in today while watching football!  Maybe I'll have an update a little later today!

Love to all of my blogger followers!


Shelleen said...

I hope that you and your Sailor will finally get together and if not then you can find someone else who will be there for you.
Have a great New Year and it does feel good to vent a little.

Meari said...

I really feel for you. I hope things work out for the best. I know how you feel.

Shelley said...

Sometimes we all just need to cry it out and get it over with. I hope as the days pass you can release and get back to being happy. Stitch, it helps me when I'm blue because I have control over it.