Wednesday, April 29, 2009

When It Rains...

It pours. Isn't that the saying? Or that everything comes in 3s? Well in my case I've had a load of bad dumped in my lap the past couple of days. I guess you could say I'm feeling a big helpless. Not hopeless. I do have hope it will all get better but so much of it is out of my control.

Where do I start? Maybe with my sailor. Things are not going so well with us. It's been hard. With the distance and living separate lives in separate states. It's beginning to wear on me. Thus I'm taking it out on him. So can I really blame him when he doesn't talk to me? I don't want to talk to me! But I really am at a lost as to explain to him what I am feeling.

Then there are my aunts and uncles. Let's see, now these are all my great aunts and uncles so with age this is all expected. I have an aunt who is having back surgery next week. It has to do with complications of arthritis. Then I have 2 uncles who it has been discovered that they have spots on their lungs. Both have recently been tested so we are now waiting on the results. One of the uncles was a heavy smoker till 6 months ago, but the man is in his upper 70s. The other one has already had cancer of the jaw back when I was a teenager so for me, this really isn't unexpected.

My friends who are currently adopting a baby now have a fight on their hands. The birth father does not want to relinquish his rights. He doesn't want the baby but I guess in his mind, no one else should have her. She's a baby, not a piece of property!

Finally, there is my sister. She's my baby sister. It's been my responsibility to protect her and make things better. I'm having a hard time doing that when I can't even make things better for myself these days. She recently was in a car accident. Minimum damage to the car but of course now she is having neck issues. Then she found out this week that a close friend of hers is pregnant but this pregnancy is life threatening. I'm not a doctor so I don't know exactly why, but it doesn't sound good. I can't think of a thing to say to even give my sister guidance in this.

To top it all off, I've made myself sick! LOL! I keep everything inside until something has to give. Of course it's either going to be the mental health or the physical health. It's both this time.

I had such big plans beginning in May and going through the summer that I was looking forward to! I am going to Jazz Fest to see Bon Jovi this upcoming weekend. I leave in 2 weeks for a family gathering for a graduation. It's my birthday. I have a trip to Florida in June and, keeping my fingers crossed this is still going to happen, I was looking forward to seeing my sailor in July. But right now, I can't even see past the next minute. I know it will get better, but I'm not patient. I'm more of an instant gratification person. All I have right now is hope.


CindyMae said...

You do have a lot going on, don't you? I am sorry that things are so tuff right now and that the rain just won't seem to stop pouring down! I can understand the distance getting you down with you and your sailor! That has got to be hard, but . . . it can be done!! I will be praying for your aunt and uncles! I am sorry that your friend is having a hard time with adopting . . . my daughters bio dad was the same way, he would not give up his rights even though he was never around. He passed away this last summer though, so I guess God took care of that one! (Oooh, that sounded bad!) Just be strong for your sister, sometimes just someone to be strong can and does make a huge difference. As far as you go . . . . YOU have to take care of yourself first or you won't be able to take care of others!!! You need to try and go on with your summer plans! Don't just sit back and let things take you over!!! If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here!

Lou's addictions said...

Sometimes the best thing to do for everyone else around you is to take care of yourself. Easier said than done I know.

You def need to explain to your sailor though, partners are supposed to be able to support each other

Mel said...

whew! that is a lot of things going on.
I hope you find a few minutes to sit quietly and stitch. Maybe that will help you relax.

Carolyn NC said...

Good grief - you do have a lot going on. I'll pray for you to find peace in the midst of all this chaos. :)

Maureen said...

sounds like you need to take a a big breath and relax and keep in mind all the plans you have for the next wee while. Just take one thing at a time.. you have an awful lot going on right now where you probably feel you can't help but just being there for them if they need to talk will be help enough..

hope this helps